If you’ve ever tried to mix a love potion you know the smell is horrible. It shouldn’t come as a surprise knowing what goes into most potions, but people don’t seem to consider it. That’s not the only problem with a love potion, though, if you really look at it from the right lens, and by right, we’re talking about ‘ethics.’ Just how ethical can a serum slipped to someone with the intention of bending them to your will be? Luckily, there’s another practice of magic with much fewer ethical issues and it’s just as potent. That practice is, the Slow-Jam.
Now, it may be too much to consider all Slow-Jams as a beacon of consent as I’m sure you can point to many that very much toe the other line. But luckily for the world there is a whole subset of Slow-Jams expressly concerned with the importance of consent. The Consent Slow-Jam follows a solid and unshakable structure but that’s not to say that they’re all the same. Afterall, every spell must be catered to its subject.
First up we have Howard Hewett with, ‘Show Me.’ It’s our oldest selection (1990) on this list and it sets the template nicely. We start off with the ‘sales pitch’ where Howard is bringing his case before the judge. ‘Candy, flowers, priceless pearls/ Romantic Trips around the world’ just to start but even if you don’t want all that stuff, you and he could just ‘turn the lights down low/play our favorite video.’ He has options but the main desire is time. Time with ‘You.’ And all his offers and wishes for the future, the most important thing here, is your consent.
You've got to let me know
Just how far to let this go
(Ooh)
Help me
(Darling, please show me)
Show me
(How to love you)You've got to take my hand
Show me that you'll understand
Help me
(Hoo, baby)
Show me
A few years down we come not to the end of the road but, perhaps, its most popular turnpike. In 1994, Boys II Men bewitched the world with the magic of ‘I’ll Make Love to You.’ Many hale this as the prime Consent Slow-Jam and with its opening lines we can see why. ‘Tonight is just your night’ it promises while offering the usual wines, fireplaces, candles but they are just setting the stage; everything else is up to you. All you have to do is ‘make a wish on your night/Anything that you ask/I will give you the love of your life.’
I'll make love to you
Like you want me to
And I'll hold you tight
Baby all through the night
I'll make love to you
When you want me to
And I will not let go
Till you tell me to
The formula is changed up a bit with Maxwell’s ‘Sumthin’ Sumthin’ in 1996. We don’t have the ‘sales pitch,’ instead we have a man yearning for the love of someone who ‘pays him no attention.’ Unrequited love is often the trigger for a Love-Potion-Scenario, but Maxwell is classier than that. But with this smooth bassline he doesn’t need a Potion. He just needs to know ‘If it’s cool,’ cause if it’s cool ‘we can kick a little sumthin’ sumthin.’ But ‘Only, only if it’s cool.’
It would take a full 20 years before we approach our next couple of examples. The 2000’s were a confusing time for everyone, but it’s no excuse to make us wait until 2016 for our next example. Luckily How to Dress Well had our backs with ‘Can’t You Tell.’ It’s less slow than the other jams here but it makes its consent case with the force a 20-year hiatus requires.
When you walked in, oh
Want to throw you down and take you right there
Yeah, I want it
But I want it when you want it, baby
Want you to show me you can give it right back
How to Dress Well is direct in his desires and just as direct that he isn’t looking to do anything without you being 100% on board. The same goes for our final example, who carried forward the torch of consent and looped it all back around to the start while combining the directness of the new age.
With his song ‘Permission,’ (2017) Ro James brings back the ‘sales pitch,’ but he doesn’t limit the consent to just the chorus. Every verse starts with a request for ‘Permission’ before he presents the offer. He wants to ‘spend a little time with you,’ wants to be ‘a little me on you,’ and ‘put a little smile up you’ with your permission.
Come on give me that green light
You can lay your head down
Well only if it feels right
Oh oh, give me that green light
The Consent Slow-Jam may be a sub-genre within a sub-genre but it’s power is not to be underestimated. It comes not only with the promise of what we will to do for our love, but more importantly with the promise of what we will do together. So, the next time you get the desire to pull out your test tubes and cauldrons to concoct your mixture of manipulation, stop a moment and remind yourself, a love taken is not a love received.